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poofromfud posted:Yes!!! Pleased to meet you, Rose. Now, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!! Hay Buml0r-m80, is that rubbish Beezl a bit of an Arnold Rimmer if you know what I mean (and I think you do)?
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| # ? Dec 12, 2007 10:31 |
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^^^ Well not in all ways, i mean his head does glim-mer
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| # ? Dec 12, 2007 11:36 |
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well, i always thought my surname was not Suchek but that could be a
CONSPIRACY!!! bcause the resemblence is uncanny so i doen't know?
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| # ? Dec 12, 2007 11:43 |
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A New Dore. i just realised m8s that we never read the rest of that paper story, in the paper. About Dooper and how he died. Funny thing is it doesn't really say how he died, just that it was terribly complicated and being investigated still. But the thing is there's a photo of someone who might be involved and oe m8s i can't even bear to show you who the picture is of, the person who might be tied up in his death D: but he isn't dead! there's nothing ghosty about Dooper at all, so why do ppl think he'ms dead!?! there's snater and duddles and dooley out walking in the snoe. they probbly don't even know about all this do they m8s. they probbly think they're just having a normal time at Elf School. "But why?" saye Snater. "He hasn't done anything wrong, has he?" "I wouldn't be so sure of that," says Duddles. "If he had, do you think we'd be allowed to know?" "What you mean?" Snater. Dooley is a very polite Elf, and he say, "I think what Duddles means is that he has a gleam in his eye. He's very clever, Chris. Care and caution, caution and care." Then all three boys look up into the sky and see... at this point i should read you something from the big Snata book my mumme bought me. Snatter Book posted:Lapland And it is from Snowman's Land that the figure the boys now see soaring through the sky has journeyed. Riding in the midnight blue, he has whooshed high above the world and now comes to land on the grounds of Elf School, for what ambassadorial work we cannot yet know.  It's our old friend Snowman! The children gaze open-mouthed, taken by surprise. They don't know that in last year's calendar he went all swirly-eyed when he saw the special Quantum Chocolate and told us all about how it was made up of the distilled force of all Christmasses past presnet and futur. To them he jsut some big snow guy! just a snoe manne! "Hullo," he say to the efl's. "Are you pupils at Elf School?" "ye!" they go. "I am a delegate from the council of Snowman's-land. I have come to see the Grand High Elf Burgess MEredith!!" the boyes all GASP! Nobody EVER sees the Burgess, except on day one when the new pupils sit on his knee as part of the Snatting ceremony! That's it! THat absolutely it! nobody else ever see the burgess, not no-body not no-how!! He's the most important figure ever, i mean, grown elfe's actually get slightly teary-eyed when he enters a room because he's so reverential and important. i mean alright mostly the rare girl ones, but STILL. If this dude ghets to see the Burgess, he must be one important ambassador. what the kids don't know, and isn't actually important but it's nice anyway, is that snowmen from Snowman's-Land get promoted to such a position not based on their political skill or education, but by how lovely and snuggly they are. THIS IM AM SNUGGLY SNOW FLUFF DUDE! he seem's to recognise SNatter. "Would you like to go walking?" he saye "...IN THE AIR??" "wot, go floating in the moonlit sky??" "ye." "No ta," say SNater, "I'm all big and grown up now, and can fly on my own! I'm pretty good with a set of reindeer as it turns out! I'm being taught some pretty good tricks by my flying teacher, Dooper!"  "Dooper," say the snowman. "uh, ye," saye Snater, but it didn't really sound like a question. The Snowman kneel down and take Snatter' hand for a moment, then take something out from inside his snow (he has to brush snow off it).  Snatter doesn't know what to do really. He's got a scarf off the SNoweman, and it's just a scarf but the snoweman's seem to be taking it really seriously and stuff.  "A token," he saye. "Not only from Snowman's land, but from me. I once thought I was going to give you this on a very special day. Now..." there's a long silence and he doesn't look happy at all for a dude with a big smile drawn on him face "I'm not sure I deserve to be involved in a ceremony like that any more," he saye. He stand up. "I once thought I was chosen for this because I was better somehow, arrogant child that I was." He smile again and give Snater a lovely cuddle because he is the cuddliest snowman in snowman's-land. Snatter surprised - the SNowman doesn't actually feel cold. (Just thought I'd clear that up finally, it's annoyed me for years. Thanks Snatter info book!) "I'm sorry, sometimes I forget you're still only a boy. That's what all those years talking to the Ghost of Christmas Future will do to you. Desperately boring man, all awkward silences and chilling terror, but a damn fine teacher. Goodbye boys! I have very important work to do with your Grand Old Elf. Such very, very important work." He wave, turn, and bound across the field and fly up into the air, and into the Burgess' window (which is like somewhere round the back of the school, we can't really see it). Boys are left a little bit confused. so yeah that's the pciture on today's door of the calendar, and inside is a chocolate scarf. Snarf down that scarf lads.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2007 12:45 |
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Snatter should've flied to Brighton with Snoemann 
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| # ? Dec 12, 2007 12:51 |
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Is an choklit scarf like a Cadbury Flaek? Cos that's what I imagine a chokit scarf would taste like.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2007 14:26 |
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I know I'm a day late but seriously, I  ed at "had an eppy"Thanks again buml0r 
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| # ? Dec 12, 2007 16:25 |
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oh that Bowy! He's is always late or early except when he's neithers. or both. V  V
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| # ? Dec 12, 2007 16:38 |
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Gosh I loved that snowman movie as a child, although I do not recall
the name at all. it is one of those kid things I think. I was very
wowed by all the colors and naughtyness with the snowman being snuck
into the house and the christmas trees and all that!
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| # ? Dec 12, 2007 21:20 |
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"snowman's land" is so cheesy but damn it had me laughing.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2007 21:40 |
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Oe, scarveses and dramatic and brave Mr Blesséd makes me think of Tom Baekr - will e be in our Advent-ure?
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| # ? Dec 12, 2007 23:06 |
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DON'T BE RIDICKEROUS.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2007 23:36 |
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Oh my felloes, I carry a gr8 w8 on my conscience. Althoe I feel I must,
if i am to calle myself a mane, show yuo the photograph included in the
story we found yesterday in the newspaper, i find I cannotte! Having
re-read the article I can tell the writre was being deliberately
ambiguous about the man photographed - never actually making it cleer
whether he is a witness wanted for questioning, or a suspect wanted for
this so-called murder that hasn't happened. And why be vague when
you're writing for the press, unless legally required to be? Basically mates it looks like someone we knowe is under suspicion of committing a murder which we all know very well has not happened! Dooper is alive! I feel we must put this situation right, but one thing prevents us from continuing... I can't bring myself to show you who it is that was apparently present at the scene of the "death". Since it is patently impossible that the person in question was there at this murder, not only because it didn't happen but because if it had it would definitely have been an episode of advent-ures here, I know the accusation (if any) is false. But I daren't! I daren't show you! I da're'nt!!!! So instead let's open today's doore, door 13 (gosh, already?) which is situated in the Main Hall of the school. For tonight it is the night of... The Snatavity Performance!1!!! THat's right it's the big night! THe night of the show! Nerves are a bit tense backstages because Snatter remembers what Beazie said about waiting until the night, and he really doesn't seem to be around anywhere. I mean why would he be rite? He's not in the show because he's so rubbish. But still... Wel nothing's happening backstage, so let's have a venture out to the foyer Yeah, here we are, some dads have arrived to watch the play. Well, mums have arrived as well but they're off talking in gaggly voices and chittering about how they made the costumes and BORING GIRL THINGS, so the dads are lurking a distance away and are talking to each other about previous snatavity plays. These particular dads quite like snatavity plays, because in previous years their kids have played Snatter. Here are the dads.  Richard Attenborough His son played Snatter a few years ago, using an old Snatavity script that they dug up from the school archives. Generally they write a new one each year but for his kid they thought he looked that much like the baby Snatter that they redid an old classic.  Mel Smith Hehe Mel's kid is really funny because he has tourettes, but a really nice version of tourettes where he just says polite versions of rude words! So they thought thi was so funny they let him be Snatter years and years ago, this was in the 80s so that kid's grown up now (but he's had another one). He was like "Ho ho bloomin-ho, merry bloomin-Christmas"  it was well funny. Our mate Snowman went to that one. The Big Lebowski Little Davey Lebowski was a particularly loveable Snatter, and they got Henry Mancini in to write the music for that year which was: completely brilliant, and by far the most festive bestest Christmas score ever written in the modern era. so thanks for that Mancini, and finally the last dad:  Buzz Lightyear Yeah, Buzz has a kid now, and he was Snatter in a fairly recent Snatavity - well actually, probably not that recent now I think about it, it's just that the teachers who put that one together still think of it as recent, and keep churning out sequel after sequel, year after year. It was actually an all right Snatavity though, it's just been a bit oversaturated since, you knoe? they've played out the franchise a bit too much imo. They're laughing and having a friendly argument about which of their kids was best (hint: lebowski), and wondering who will play the Snatter this year. LITTLE DO THEY KNOE that the actual Snatter himself is in the play! Just not being Snatter! Who is playing Baby SNatter? What character is Snatter himself being? Who did they let Puffy be so he wouldn't be able to wear that hideous reindeer costume? Will BEazie do anything to mess the whole thing up? Where's Pete during all this??? They take their positions and the curtain raises for... THe Snatavity Playe. but because this is an advent calendar there's actually a chocklat behind it. So let's have that! It's in the shape of ANTICIPATION. nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom.
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| # ? Dec 13, 2007 15:19 |
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An-ti-ci-pation maeks me shiver. Also I herd Mr. Blesséd was dressed as an angle once, but my memory thinks of him mor as a HAWKMAN.
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| # ? Dec 13, 2007 15:29 |
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RichLather posted:An-ti-ci-pation maeks me shiver. Oh man Hakman Blesed was AWESOM I hope we see him like that today. My anticipation tastes kinda funny but I like it.
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| # ? Dec 13, 2007 16:08 |
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antissipation is very sweet and I find that it tastes a heck of a lot
like chocolate. now, is it chocolate-shaped antisipition or
antasipation-snaped chockolate? either way nom homnom I am suspecting that the photoe is of Bowy, or that he involved somehow.
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| # ? Dec 13, 2007 18:50 |
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The SNatavity is starting everyone! The curtains do not open as this school doesn't have curtains because for some reason even thoe they are a lavish elf school in the capital of the Lap of Luxury, their school plays still live up to the standards of your average normal school play. So, here come Duddles and Dooley, as Mummy and Daddy Snatter!  Yeah, that's basically the set. It's awful isn't it, I can't believe it. And look, the window is just drawn on a bit of paper and pinned onto that pin board there. I can't believe this, it's a shambles frankly. This is ELF SCHOOL, they should at least made lots of little wooden props they've carpented. Apparently though they wanted to only use stuff the kids in the first year have actually made, so they just have a pile of yellow coats over some stuff, a sort of donkey put together out of goodness knows what rubbish - - oe! Haha that's the donkey where we tore its skin off and its innards sloshed out into the hay remember! Hahaha at least they;'re being historickly accurate. So Mummy and Daddy Snatter walk up to the side of the stable, which at the minute is meant to be the front of the hotel (idunno m8 your guess is as good as mine.  "HELLO" say Duddles as Mr Snatter. "WE, ARE BUT A POOR TRAVELLERS, AND MY, WIFE IS, PREGNANT AND SHE, NEEDS A PLACE TO STAY. AND HAVE A BABY." "YE," says Dooley as Mummy Snatter. Inkeeper says, "SORRY, WE DO NOT HAVE ANY ROOMS IN THE HOTEL, ON ACCOUNT OF ALL THE IMMIGRANTS. BUT WE DO HAVE A STABLE." Duddles say "YEAH? WELL BULLY FOR YOU." Inkeeper, "NOE, I MEAN YOUR WIFE CAN HAVE HER BABY THERE." "WHAT," say Dooley, "LIKE A HORSE? ARE YOU SAYING I'M BASICALLY LIKE A HORSE? IS THAT IT?" "NOE," say the innkeper, "IT'S JUST WHAT WE'VE GOT OK? ARE YOU UP FOR IT OR NOT?" So they agree and go into the stable, ready to have their babye Snater. Backstage, Snatter is waiting with the other ppl who aren't on the stage yet. He isn't playing Snatter, he is playing The Jolly Postman, one of the ppl who go to see the baby Snatter. The boy who has landed the part of the baby Snatter is getting ready, going over his lines.  He goes on in a minute, but first an angel is meant to turn up and goe to mummy snatter "You will have a baby, and he will be the Chosen One destined to lead the Elf's, and you shall call this child: whatever name you want, and if you can't decide on a name then may as well just like have a lightsaber fight over it and then whoever loses their name can be his middle name." That's Rose Suchek's line. Just waiting for Rose to come on the stage. ...Still waiting.... Oe dear. Long silence. It looks like she isn't coming onto the stage even thoe it's time for her to! Everyone is looking around nervously. Where is Rose? Where Rose gone? Off to the side of the stage, I reckon I can just hear Pete giggling. oe he must think it's like Alright On The Night or something where you get to see things goe wrong on telly! But for play's! Ha ha the play has ground to a halt because the angel who Beazie wanted to be and fancied her but then she told him to naff off isn't here for some reason! Ha ha I wonder where beazie is, if he could see this maybe he'd think it was funny because he would have come on the stage at the right time but she hasn't. but beazie isn't here either. let's eat this chocolate while we wait, m8s. It's in the shape of foreboding.
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| # ? Dec 14, 2007 23:38 |
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Yay, first shot at the chocolate! Scarf, mnum, nom, oh wait, oh hjalp,
what is this feeling, my stomach trembles and I'm sweeting, this
4bidding doos not taste nice. God in eaven help me, this is the end of me.
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| # ? Dec 14, 2007 23:54 |
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I think I do not like Pete very much. He should not be laughing, even
though he might think the waiting is a little joke, it is not nice to
be laughing at Rose when she is not where she should be, and it is a
little bit rude to be making noise during the play. I hope nobody can
hear him in the audience.
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| # ? Dec 15, 2007 00:09 |
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gosh where have they gotten off to. don't they know this SNATAVITY PLAY IS QUITE A BUSINESS? what a terrible hotel also. this is the sort of hotel where the horses and pigs would be smoking fags and doing lots of naughty stuff with women in the corners
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| # ? Dec 15, 2007 00:52 |
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Chuuurls posted:this is the sort of hotel where the horses and pigs would be smoking fags and doing lots of naughty stuff with women in the corners They have a plaque to show where Catherine the Great died.
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| # ? Dec 15, 2007 00:55 |
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I'm really enjoying all the abstract chocolate this year! I bet it's much more fattening.
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| # ? Dec 15, 2007 02:08 |
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meileiblvd posted:I'm really enjoying all the abstract chocolate this year! I bet it's much more fattening. My hunger for snativity chocolate is in the shape of LUST
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| # ? Dec 15, 2007 03:16 |
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meileiblvd posted:I'm really enjoying all the abstract chocolate this year! I bet it's much more fattening. Not if you eat it standing up. I am all woed about Pete, I thoght him was Snatters friend? What him up too? I et that choklit and now I forebode a HE in need of WIGGLE and maybee some SMACK to HIM BOTTOM
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| # ? Dec 15, 2007 07:39 |
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Dour Fifteen!! Oh wow guys something's going on here, because look where we are! We're backstage, and ohhhh dear m8s. Ohhhh dear.  Oh Beazie. He's only gone and held Rose captive in the backstage bit. Ohh Beazie, this is a disappointment. What drove you to this BEazie?? what darkness resides in your soul?? He hasn't tied Rose up or anything, but he has threatened that if she goes on stage then he's going to set fire to her "Betty Beauty" doll, and tear the head off her little stuffed panda and shove nails and bits of broken glass down its neck!! I don't know if he can do that, but she seems to believe him. So he's got her angel wings and halo and he's going to goe on the stage!! OMG Meanwhile backstage, Puffy is sadly standing in the costume they've made him wear instead of his reindeer suit.  He's MECHA SNATTER! hahhehe perhaps we should WIGGLE HE god we haven't wiggled anyone in ages have we. it's been what, a year or something. But we can't Wiggle Puffy, all he's done is dress as mecha snatter, he's all right really. He's a bit tubby, he's a bit odd, but what's he ever done wrong, y'noe? Not like that Beazie! Look at him! OE NOE He's coming out on the stage now! Quick, duck! He going mental! He's throwing a great huge spaz attack all over everything! This is the eppy-centre of mentalling! He's pushing over the set, shoving those bit pin board things over and demolishing the Stable! Oe noe Beazie! "THAT'LL TEACH YOU," he shout! "I AM AN ANGEL! I AM AN ANGEL! I'M THE BEST ANGEL!" But then he slippe! He slippe over and go crashing across the stage, and out from the side comes PETE SCHWARTZ. "You're no angel," he saye with a big smug grin. He turne to the audience of dads and mumme's and us'. "This little rotter thought he could ruin the Snatavity play for everyone, just because he didn't get the part he wanted!" he announce. YEAH go the audience. "We can't let him get away with this, he's ruined the night for everyone here!" YEAH goe the audience "He has denied poor Rose Suchek the part she was supposed to play in tonight's performance!!!" YEAH they goe, especially mr and mrs suchek. mrs suchek (also called Rose) is so embarassed she accidentally ladders her tights, which may sound a bit odd but honestly she's ALWAYS doing it, she's known far and wide for it. "WHAT SHALL WE DO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN?" saye Pete - and then he gette a twinkly in himme's eye.  "I think I noe what we can do to teach him a lesson," he saye... Today's chocolate is in the shape of a question mark.
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| # ? Dec 15, 2007 18:45 |
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I eight the dot part of the question mark. Beazie may be a mean rotter but I don't noe if Pete is doing ok thinges at all. Hopefly what he does is fun and entertaning for all.
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| # ? Dec 15, 2007 19:13 |
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Owen posted:I eight the dot part of the question mark. I aet question part of question mark
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| # ? Dec 15, 2007 21:58 |
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I am glad Rose is not hurt.
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| # ? Dec 15, 2007 22:03 |
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Chuuurls posted:I aet question part of question mark I et the nose
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| # ? Dec 15, 2007 22:45 |
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Poor little Rose! My "m8s" at Summer Camp for Jews (paid for by our synagogue plate-passing, so everyone even some not-juice, got to go, because what's summer wiffout you goin' to camp, I ask you fellow merikaners) took the head from my skwerl-carvin' I did at the Craft Shack and woodburned a foul word into into its muzzle. I know just how Rose feels. She's a good 'un, that Rose! Booo on Beazie! He needs to sing some songs and be forced to eat some choccies. He hasn't got Snatter in 'is 'eart! Fowl little boy! Thanks fore question, Buml0r. You are grandest Adventorer of Adventorer's Clubbe! Happy Criss-miss to you all, fellows and females! Edited for: "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, Buml0r! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay Comix gal! This is truly and well the bestest thing I've ever felt, this criss-miss spirit!"
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| # ? Dec 16, 2007 00:30 |
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Pete issues to the audience a list of possible punishments for Beazie
ruining the play. We're in the audiecne so we get to choose between
them as well! We will say the onne we want. Hehe beazie's about to get his Come Uppance! "What do you think we should do, ladies and gentlemen?" shout Pete. AUDIENCE POLL: What punishment should we issue to Beazie? Do we: 1) Smack him to his bum?  2) Tell him that mum of Mecha Snatter does spleeing with many humans?  not sure why that would bother him, bit gross tho 3) Launch him to Space  4) Sit him down and talk to him sensibly to find out why he behaves the way he does, and assess just how guilty he is or is not?  or 5) WIGGLE HE 
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| # ? Dec 16, 2007 19:00 |
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WIGGLE HE.
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| # ? Dec 16, 2007 19:04 |
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Buml0r posted:WIGGLE HE It must be dun, it must be dun.
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| # ? Dec 16, 2007 19:08 |
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WIGGLE HE UP GOOD
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| # ? Dec 16, 2007 19:17 |
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WIGGLE HE first, mecha snatter's mum. then WIGGLE HE
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| # ? Dec 16, 2007 19:24 |
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Wiggle he wiggle he!
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| # ? Dec 16, 2007 19:33 |
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Option 4. Beazie is just misunderstood, is all. Maybe he has assburgers or something, or a haunted past. I really don't think throttling him by the feet is going to help the poor lad. All it will do is make him even more angry and resentful. He may even take his grudges further.
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| # ? Dec 16, 2007 19:39 |
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Contravershal, i suggest smack him to him bum. That showe himme, the baldy scamp!
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| # ? Dec 16, 2007 20:24 |
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Why can't we do all of them? Either at once, or sequentially.
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| # ? Dec 16, 2007 22:13 |
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WIGGLE HE WIGGLE HE WIGGLE HE
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| # ? Dec 16, 2007 22:57 |
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The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Advent calendar again! Let's open more dores!